HI!

God, I wish LJ wasn't such a completely shitty site (haha, sorry LJ). Blogger is SO much better, but I like the layout, and memories that livejournal has. I feel way more old school writing here.

I've been reading over some past entries, and God, I didn't realize how hard high school was for me. When I was IN high school, I remember I used to think "why do people make out adolescence to be so hard? my life is fine...". But reading these past entries, especially from my superold journal, brings me back to the actually memories and the state of mind I was in. I was constantly trying to rationalize how shitty I was feeling, it seems. Every second entry is like, okay, I need to stop worrying and over analyzing. Mike and I got into a fight. No seriously, I need to stop worrying so much. Mom and I got into a fight. AND repeat. My life is honestly so much better now, and what's more is that I'm able to recognize that I still have a long way to go as far as happiness is concerned.

Although nobody reads this except for me anyway, I still won't feel comfortable unless I make some "update" clarifications as to where I am in life right now:

- I am back with Mike. Yes... I almost feel like a failure saying that, but we broke up for a long time and have so much more of a mature relationship now. I promise, he doesn't treat me like crap anymore. And I'm not the crazy needy girlfriend anymore either. So, it isn't really a failure that we're back together. I guess it just means that we make each other happy? We're talking about moving away together in September, but nothing is for certain... it depends on a lot of stuff.

- I got a bunny. Elliot! (female)

- I'm graduating in April!

- I'm happier, just in general.

Like I said though, there are a couple of things in particular that I really need to work on. I mainly just need to put myself out there more. I almost feel like I'm getting MORE shy. I NEVER speak up in class, even if I have a valid point to make. I worry about what people think about me, I'm too nervous to make conversation with someone I don't know unless I've had a few drinks first. I just really want to change. I wouldn't mind being a little quiet, at least until I've warmed up to people. I even feel like if I'm in the right mood I'm not quiet at all, I'm "perfect" personality wise, bubbly and chatty. But that mood is getting more and more sparse lately. It's depressing. I want to make some new friends, especially in my graduating class... pretty much everyone else knows each other and chat all the time. I do talk to a few people, but I haven't really made any friends at school by myself, just through other people or from res.

If I could change one thing about my personality, it would absolutely be that aspect. I'm going to make it my New Year's resolution... to put myself out there, speak to people, have conversations. Not worry about what people think about me. Especially if (when) I move away, I'm going to need to actually make friends by myself then. Scary.

I should probably go and do some work now.

Leah xx

 so, i'm really slacking this term. like embarassingly so... winter took me by surprise this term? last year for winter i was in res, so tunnels to class, and all the years before that I had the comforts of a ride to school. so... damn. i'm just a big complainer, though, i know. anyway i've been missing massive amounts of classes (like... all of today). and i wrote my first midterm of the semester yesterday, biochem, and i totally failed it. i just... have no motivation. it's really depressing. 

so, i hope i don't fail school i guess? last semester i ended up with all b's somehow, i honestly have no idea how i pulled that off. 

in other news! i have a bunny! she is loveee. she gives me kisses and loves me. 

and. i dunno what is going on with mike, we're 'friends' again because he apologized after that horrendous thing he did to me, and then i did something pretty bad to him, so we're even? and he's coming over soon to get his dvds and giving me back mine so i dunno if it's gonna turn into a hangout, or what. 

and. lately i've been really into the idea of getting more tattoos and a piercing. the other day i was completely set on getting my lip pierced, a small silver ring on the bottom left side, but not i'm rethinking that. i kind of want my monroe too, but i don't know. i have problems healing piercings, and i don't want to eff up my face. 

for tattoos, i'm going to redo my butterfly soon, i'm not sure if i'm going to cover it with something else, because it's not perfectly centered on my back and that drives me nuts, or i might just try and let go and get it filled in. i might get it outlined/embellished in black too. 

and i'm getting the image of stargirl (one of my favourite books and really inspiring and amazing) on my wrist, I think. I'm just nervous because that's a place that everyone will see and i'll see it every day for the rest of my life? and i've always entertained the idea of getting a text tattoo on my wrist and if i get this, there's no going back. but i think i'm going to do it. I'll find a pic:


i also want the pixie from the rhcp album one hot minute on my ankle, or foot: And, down my side, some kind of text. i've been playing around with a lot of ideas but it's going to be my biggest tattoo so i'm definitely going to think about it some more before i decide on anything. i haven't come across anything that's hit me as 'perfect' yet so i'm just going to wait and see. I want to to flow nicely, in script maybe. alright, i'm done leah xo

I am done exams TOMORROW. At 2 o'clock. Then I'm shopping with dad and we're leaving to go home :) I am way too excited.
Hopefully I did okay on my exams, if I pass everything I'm good.

There was a big going on with Mike, in which he fucked me over worse than ever before, but for obvious reasons I don't feel like going into it all right now. It's over for ever though, basically.

I want Christmas!

leah xo

Wowww, it's been forever. I think over a year. Hi.

This year has been really... different. I'm single, of course. Probably not mentioned in here previously, but yep. Not even gonna go into how hard that was to get over, but I'm finally getting there.

Mostly it's been fun going out and being single but I'm not going to sit here and pretend I don't miss EVERY day having someone to confide in and trust and cuddle and just be there for you. My friends aren't the same in that respect. At all.

And I haven't like met any guys at all yet. Haven't made any new guy friends or anything. So I'm not even close to having that type of relationship with someone again, it's really sad.

The breakup taught me how to behave in a relationship though. I realized SO many of the things I was doing wrong, or whatever. I doubt I will ever make those mistakes again, so there's something good.

And Cheryl had a date last night which was depressing to me because like...she just met this guy at the breezeway, they exchanged numbers and he actually called! What the hell. I'm happy for her obvivously but why can't that ever happen to me? Even if it did I'd be so damn awkward on that date that it probably wouldn't go anywhere, I'm literally SO awkward around people I don't know well. It's terrible. Maybe I'm being too hard on myself but I really really wish I was different in that respect.

Anyway I have been studying really hard this semester but my marks are still only mediocre and I'm currently failing physics. So... yay me. Yay for being dumb, I guess? I have a Chemistry test on Tuesday that I've been stuyding for for the past week, except it was half assed studying where I'd take HUGE unneccessary breaks so it slowed me down sooo much. I spent a week studying and it was only like probably 4 or 5 hours of actual studying. Sad stuff. Next week I have Biochem (thursday) and Psych (friday). And then the week after that, I think? I have physics. And the week after that, I think, I have chemistry again. And then I'm done until finals.

And then...
I get to go home for Christmas! I haven't been home at all this semester :( I wish I went home for midterm break now because I really am getting homesick haha. I think my mom is coming in one weekend before I go home for Christmas though so that's good. I definitely like this semester better than last year though, well at least living situation wise. Now that I'm out of res I can appreciate how much I hated it. I went to dining hall the other day with Danielle and it was like... god, I would hate to have to eat like this every day, and then.. oh wait, I did. So annoying, I love eating in front of the tv on the couch, BY MYSELF. Haha.

Anyway I'm going to go study chemistry again...gah..
leah xo.

ahh hello. it's summer! work is fun, easy, lots of outside and lots of kids and lots of doing nothing at all.. hanging out in the sun and chatting. yesterday was our 1 year anniversary, omg, for the second time now. really it should be like, fourth year anniversary. you know, like, really. he gave me a really pretty necklace and a cd... actually its gwen stefani, which i have.. he told me he had that for me a few days ago and i told him i had it and it wasn't a big deal because i would just exchange it... and then meghan came home and thought it was for her and opened it. well thats not actualyl how it happened but its too long a story to write down right now. but anyway the necklace was a surprise, very cute. mr fowlows dog princess had puppies and they're so cute. mikes taking care of them while he's gone, so i've been over like a million times in the last few days. he's coming home tonight though. :/ but sooo cute, for the record. i might do some exercising later, or, you know, probably not. i'm definitely taking the car out, though, i need to learn how to drive that thing. the beast. i can't wait to get to grand falls on monday (next) so I can spend some money. I want things. don't need anything, though. except a nice pair of expensive jeans. and, well, sneakers, but mom will buy those. I've successfully stolen all of mikes archie comics. we watched harry potter last night and fell asleep... ate fucking ridiculous amounts of food, as usual.


ooooh
smash it up

xo
leah

halfway through exams now. actually, two fifths of the way through, which does not equal one half at all. i hate english exams, seriously, they are way too long. i couldn't function when i was finished, i was so tired and pretty much dead. and all to no avail, because i still think i did bad. i'll be sooo happy when they're finished. this summer will be awesome. i have a job at the lions club for nine weeks. for the parts of the summer i'm not working i plan to be relaxing and or getting drunk. ehehe. the song 9 crimes by damien rice is incredibly good. in fact, any song by him is amazing. last year i was addicted to blowers daughter, as most people know, because i sang it a million times aday. so.. yes. damien rice is fun. i have a piano recital on sunday, right before my chem exam. it should be fun and exciting and all that. i'm playing for the choir, doing a solo and a duet with aimee. mike gave me some archie comics to read, amazing fun. must go do that.

leah
xo

I got back from st johns/hearts delight today. we stopped in grand falls first so that I could have a piano lesson, and i also got a shrek mcflurry. umm.. bought some new clothes (spent lots of money), got the rest of my stuff for grad (jewelry, shoes) went to see shrek 3. we went to nans on sunday... went to carbonear with jillian and jessica, went out to supper... nooooot much else. glad to be home now but i'm dreading the next few weeks of hardcore studying, yuck. i had this random urge to open limewire tonight, which is odd because i havent in like 3 months since it's always firewalled. but i did and it was randomly not firewalled, so i'm on a downloading spree before it goes away again. i know nobody really reads this and i never really update but if you are and you have some good songs that you'd like to share, please do. i'm kind of on a rap downloading spree right now, haha. and besides rap, about a million le tigre songs. i dont know what else to download.. :/

leah
xo

I need an electric toothbrush.. they seem fun and effective. Especially those new ones that sing songs to you while you are brushing. I have nooothing to do tonight. I kind of want to do something but I kind of want to just stay home and watch a movie, so I'm torn between trying to find something or the latter. I will definitely end up getting a movie though, cause I'm cool. Mike hurt his foot; I'm jealous cause I want crutches. BUT I don't want to hurt my foot, please. When I sprained my ankle when I was seven I went to the clinic and they were all 'I think you need crutches' and then 'no, I think you can manage without them'.. well, to my mom. I was totally jipped. I've been wearing crest whitestrips, they HURT MY TEETH SO MUCH. You're supposed to wear them twice a day for half and hour but I can only handle once a day. I tried twice and they set off my sensitive tooth on an hour long rant.. and by rant I mean random bursts of pain, it wasn't cool. I've got a lot of chemistry to study this weekend, chemistry is a terrible class, because ms collier is so yelly and full of bad teaching methods. the other day I asked her how to do a question and she gave me an answer sheet.. she could have at least ATTEMPTED to help, no ? but to be fair, I'm a terrible student as well. but she's still a bad teacher. ok? I want to do nutrition in university and obviously that's a lot of chemistry which is scary since I HATE chemistry, but hopefully it's just mainly the teacher/course that I hate so next year I'll be pleasantly surprised when I find out that chemistry is in fact less boring and scary than I thought. It's not hard but I keep on not doing stuff. god. So, I have a tamagotchi. remmeber those? They're like nano's but the less popular brand, so of course the one that I had when I was a kid. So I got one for christmas because .. I don't know. But I got one and it's so fun, but the other day the battery died and mom is gone right now to get me a new battery because she secretly likes him too. I also have a webkinz. for those of you (nobody reads this, yah) who aren't as into these things as I am, they're stuffed animals that you buy in stores which come with a code which you enter in to the website to 'adopt' and then take care of the pet. It's actually pretty super fun. I do'nt know, like it's majorly kid orientated and by rights I SHOULD be bored of it after playing for like 5 minutes, but I'm totally not, I love it. kid things are way more fun than anything else. so guess what movie was on tv yesterday? the never ending story! When I was a kid I used to watch it and think the characters and special effects were amazing, but now it's pretty funny and lame looking. so, will we look at today's movies in 15 or 20 years and think they're lame? I dunno. I watched lotr a few weeks ago and tried to judge it like I was from the future, and I could sooort of see how someone would think it was old school. but anyway, the neverending story. it's so good! I stayed home yesterday after lunch because I was tired and nauseous feeling and I really didn't feel like going back to school.. I felt like I was going to pass out or something. so I stayed home and it was on! lovely. and my room is a mess and I'm supposed to be cleaning it because it's been disgusting for like 3 weeks now. and this was an incredibly long entry because i'm bored but content with being bored.. and my moms home now, so i'll be going, and see you, love and all
leah
xo

Chris Walsh is SEXY!!!